The Cookie Theory

• If you eat cookies standing up, there are no calories.

• If you eat holiday cookies after the holidays, there are no calories.

• If you break a cookie in two and eat half now and half later, there are no calories.

• If you eat your child's leftover cookies, there are no calories.

• Cookies eaten in the middle of the night have no calories.

• Cookies eaten in the car have no calories.

• Cookies eaten off the floor with strict adherence to the five second rule, obviously, have no calories.

• Cookies taken out of the dog's mouth have no calories.

And, of course, there is the Cake Corollary:

• Cake eaten right off of the platter has no calories.