Looking for the Perfect Job?

Here it is.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef, figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I
just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at a coffee house, but I had to
quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO, I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have a great day.

Reflections

Viewed as walking along the Cayuga Community College Nature Trail.

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and
actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." ~ Charles Schultz

The Cookie Theory

• If you eat cookies standing up, there are no calories.

• If you eat holiday cookies after the holidays, there are no calories.

• If you break a cookie in two and eat half now and half later, there are no calories.

• If you eat your child's leftover cookies, there are no calories.

• Cookies eaten in the middle of the night have no calories.

• Cookies eaten in the car have no calories.

• Cookies eaten off the floor with strict adherence to the five second rule, obviously, have no calories.

• Cookies taken out of the dog's mouth have no calories.

And, of course, there is the Cake Corollary:

• Cake eaten right off of the platter has no calories.

The Society of Childlike Grownups - Join Now!

Congratulations!

You have been named a charter member of The Society of Childlike Grownups

And You Are Hereby Entitled To:

Walk in the rain, JUMP in mud puddles, collect rainbows, shooting stars and fire flies.

Smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, watch the moon and stars come out,

Say HELLO to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures. Sing in the shower.

Have a Merry heart , read children's books, act silly, make faces in the mirror, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands & hug & kiss. Dance.

Fly Kites, play with balloons, laugh out loud and cry out loud, wander around, wonder (???) about stuff, Feel SCARED =:-o sad ;-( MAD @#$%! Happy, :-)

Give up worry & guilt & shame. Stay innocent. Say yes and no and the magic words, ask lots of questions.

Ride bicycles, roller-skate. Paint and draw with crayons using every color in the box, see things differently. Fall down and get up again.

Talk with animals, look at the sky, trust the universe, STAY UP LATE.

Dream of far away places and castles in the clouds.

Hop and skip for no reason. Don't step on cracks and try to stay on the same color tiles
when walking in the mall.

Climb trees, take naps, do nothing, daydream.

Play with toys, play under the covers, have pillow fights, learn new stuff.

Get excited about EVERYTHING, be a clown, listen to music, find out how things work.

Make up new rules, tell stories, save the world, make friends.

And do anything that brings more: happiness, celebration, relaxation, communication, health, love, joy, creativity, pleasure, abundance, grace, self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, peace, beauty, and life energy to all humans and beings of this planet.

FURTHERMORE, the above named member is officially authorized to frequent forests, playgrounds, picnic areas, summer areas, summer camps, birthday parties, circuses, bakeries, ice cream parlors, theaters, aquariums, zoos, museums, planetariums, toy stores, festivals, and other places where children of all ages gather to play AND is encouraged to always remember the motto of our society.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD.

Satchel Paige Quotes

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."

"Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common."

"I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I would toss one that ain’t never been seen by this generation."

"Just take the ball and throw it where you want to. Throw strikes. Home plate don’t move."

"They said I was the greatest pitcher they ever saw…I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t give me no justice."

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you." "Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines."

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

"Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money."

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching."

"You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But you got to dress for all of them."

"My pitching philosophy is simple; you gotta keep the ball off the fat part of the bat."

"I never had a job. I always played baseball."

"Mother always told me, if you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to no one else."

Jagger Rule

You can’t always get what you want.

The Church Lady Speaks

A church bulletin had a clever poem about criticism that began:

A little seed lay in the ground
And soon began to sprout;
"Now, which of all the flowers around,
Shall I," it mused, "come out?"

The seed could then be heard saying, "I don't care to be a rose. It has thorns. I have no desire to be a lily. It's too colorless. And I certainly wouldn't want to be a violet. It's too small, and it grows too close to the ground."

The poem concludes with this verse about that faultfinding seed:

And so it criticized each flower,
That supercilious seed,
Until it woke one summer hour
And found itself a weed!

Bill Gates' Advice

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, or anyone who has ever been a kid, here's some advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did NOT learn in school. He talks about how feel-good-politically-correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it.
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone, until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

For Catholics Only

This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about Catholic rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with
good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize
besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Highland Golf Club Burns Down

Aftermath - Took this photo at 3 PM.

Fire crews in Auburn spent much of the afternoon battling a fire at the Highland Park Golf Club on Franklin Road.

Investigators have determined the fire that destroyed the Highland Park Golf and Country Club was accidental.

The 7,500 foot clubhouse was just renovated in 1996, but it will now have to be torn down.

Story Catching

Author Christina Baldwin is a "storycatcher." She feels everyone is born into life as a blank page - and every person leaves life as a full book. Our lives are our story and our story is our life. Story is the narrative thread of our experiences -- not what literally happens, but what we make out of what happens. Story is what we tell each other and what we remember. This story or narrative determines much of what we do with the time given us between the opening of the blank page on the day we are born and the closing of the book on the day we die.

Become a story catcher. Start sharing your stories about life in your world. Those stories from your memory and personal experiences. These stories might include family, friends and neighbors.

To share your "Story Catching" - click on Comments and type in your story.

"Love Train"

People all over the world, join hands
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world, join hands
Join a love train, love train

The next stop that we make will be England
Tell all the folks in Russia and China too
Don't you know that it's time to get on board
And let this train keep on riding, riding on through

People all over the world, join hands
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world, join hands
Join a love train, love train

All of your brothers over in Africa
Tell all the folks in Egypt and Israel too
Please don't miss this train at the station
'Cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you

People all over the world, join hands
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world, join hands
Join a love train, love train

People all over the world, join hands
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world, join hands
Join a love train, love train

Writing Workshop - "Foreign Country Trip"

Notre-Dame Basilica

"Foreign Country Trip"


As a prompt for writing, create a reason why you must suddenly travel to a foreign country. While there, observe what you can, for example, what kind of money is used, how do the people travel around, what are the public services like, what kinds of food are available in markets and restaurants. Conclude your writing piece by showing what you most appreciate about America when you got home.

Here is an example:

I am an engineer and my company signed a contract to send four engineers to repair a leaking dam on a river in Costa Rica. We were each given our own room in a hotel in San Jose. the money here is called colons but most places will also take American dollars, There are a lot of buses in the city but we had to rent a car to get out to the dam. Sometimes we passed horses pulling carts on the road. This city has a police department and a fire department. Their siren sound funny. The restaurants sell Spanish style food. Black beans and rice are always offered for every meal. I was very glad to be able to order a Big Mac and french fries when we got home.

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Make use of Google and other search engine to find items on the country you choose to visit.

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Here is another example:

Montreal, Canada

A red number 8 was flashing on the telephone answering machine. Pushing the play button the recorded message began: "You have 1 new message and 7 old messages. New message - Hello Daemon, this is John Cursor, your old college roommate. We are getting together for a reunion and hope that you can join us. Let me know. My phone number is area code (705) 267-1892".

As our plane made its approach to Dorval International Airport, I recalled that Montreal is the largest city in Quebec and the second largest in Canada, with a metropolitan population of 3,359,000.

Although visitors from United States do not yet need a valid passport to enter Canada. The custom officer asked me for proof of my U.S. citizenship. I showed her my birth certificate.

Departing the airport terminal a chauffeur holding sign with a blue block lettered BUSHNELL on a white background caught me eye immediately. On the ride to the John's condominium at the prestigious 333 Sherbrooke address we passed the Olympic Stadium.

The remains of a recent snow storm were evident as we looked through the picture window in John's beautiful residence. From our perch in this summit of luxury we had a great view into the heart of the city.

On the second evening of our visit we used the public STM transit system's subway to go to a restaurant for dinner. We choose the Lebanese cafe, Monsieur Falafel. I ordered the falafel plate. John had couscous with steamed couscous veggies (carrots, turnips, zucchini, chickpeas) and harissa hot sauce. Offering to pay for the meal, I gave the waiter a purple $10 bill and a green $20 bill. My change was two coins, a large gold-colored $1 coin and a large bimetallic $2 coin. I left a blue $5 bill as a tip.

Our reunion was held at the Casino de Montreal. Built inside the pavilions of France and Quebec from Expo '67, this gaming hall provided a place to renew old acquaintances. A roaring, fun time was had by everyone.

As my pilot turned the 747 south towards Syracuse, New York, the spires of Notre-Dame Basilica, one of Montreal's many beautiful churches, glistened in the sunlight. I was glad that I was able to attend the reunion.

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To share your "Foreign Country Trip" story- click on Comments and type in your story.

BE-BOP-A-LULA

Gene Vincent & Blue Caps from Capitol 1956, courtesy phis.records@libertysurf.fr

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It took until 1998 for Gene Vincent to gain induction to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. By then, Joni Mitchell, Pete Seeger, and a hundred or more others had been inducted. It took that long for the rock 'n' roll establishment to admit that Gene Vincent WAS rock 'n' roll. The sound; the fury; the screaming end. The basic bio goes like this. Vincent Eugene Craddock was born in Norfolk, Virginia, on February 11, 1935, and was wracked with pain for most of his life as a the result of a 1955 motorcycle accident. On stage, he looked both tragic and dangerous. He placed his damaged left leg behind him at an oddly skewed angle, and relied upon almost grotesquely exaggerated facial contortions to suggest emotion. The tone and mood of his music was darkly ominous, almost threatening. It was the beginning of rock 'n' roll as theater and first intimation of punk.

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BE-BOP-A-LULA
Gene Vincent & His Blue Caps

Well be-bop-a-lula she's my baby,
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe.
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby love,
My baby love, my baby love.

Well she's the girl in the red blue jeans,
She's the queen of all the teens.
She's the one that I know
She's the one that loves me so.

Say be-bop-a-lula she's my baby,
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe.
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby love,
My baby love, my baby love.

Well she's the one that gets that beat.
She's the one with the flyin' feet.
She's the one that walks around the store,
She's the one that gets more more more.

Be-bop-a-lula she^s my baby,
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe.
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby
Be-bop-a-lula I don't mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula she's my baby love,
My baby love, my baby love.

Rhyme or Reason

This article written by Thomas J. Hanson, superintendent of the Maine School Administrative District 52. It was published in Teacher Magazine, Vol. 15; number 06; page 53,54.

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A great deal of time today is spent on the issue of standards in education. The key point of debate in discussion of standards, underway in virtually y state, centers upon identifying the skills and body of knowledge our students must learn to become successful citizens.

When this issue, and specifically the identification of the knowledge and skills fundamental to educating students today, comes up, I always think back to one of my earliest teaching experiences: the class is high school applied mathematics, and students range from 9th to 12th graders. It is exceptionally difficult to get the attention of 25 students at the same time. They all seem to hate math or school — or both. I am trying my very best to interest them in the class by making the subject relevant to them.

The lesson today is on payment schedules. The first question is as basic as payment schedules get: If you purchase a kitchen stove on March 15 and no payments are due for 90 days, when is the payment due? That prompts this response from a young lady in the back row: "How many are there in March?"

I try to hide my surprise, first because of her lack of knowledge and then my own for not realizing these students might not know how many days there are in each month. I soon decide that this is not a real problem — I will be a good teacher.

“There's a nursery rhyme you can learn," I start. "Thirty days hath September. April, June, and..."

I stop. The student is no longer looking at me. Twisting around, craning her neck, she is scanning walls, muttering, "There's gotta be a calendar in here somewhere."

Trying not to get angry, I call out her name and tell her that I had been trying to explain to her how could figure out the problem. "I can teach you how to remember," I say.

She gives me a pained look. "I don't want to learn no stupid nursery rhyme!" she growls. "Geez."

I try again as she crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. "Well, if you don't learn the rhyme, how will you ever know how many days there are in each month?" She rolls her eyes as glances at the other students. Their nods confirm that they are with her and not with me. Reassured, she emphatically makes her final point.

"You can either look at a calendar," she says, "or you can just ask someone who knows."

A month or two later, shortly after Easter had come and gone, I related this story to a good friend of mine. As an engineer at the local shipyard, he was intellectually my superior as well as a trusted confidante for sharing some of my educational frustrations. He simply smiled as I told him what had happened. He did not seem surprised by the student's attitude at all. In fact, he almost seemed sympathetic.

"Let me ask you a question," he said. "What day and month will Easter fall on next year?"

I shrugged. initially puzzled by his query. "I don't know,"I responded.

He immediately recited the month and the date, then added, "I can teach you how to figure it out if you'd like."

I smiled, now following his line of thought. My friend was on a roll, however, and didn't hesitate to add the clincher.

"Course, you can always look at a calendar," he said.

"Or ask someone who knows?" I added.

It was his turn to smile.

I have never forgotten our discussion that day or the powerful effect his example had on me. Those of us in education have a positive attitude toward learning new things, especially if we find them useful to our everyday lives. That, of course, is the very reason we are in the field. But when honestly considering what material and knowledge should be required to become an educated person, the answers are not quite as clear as we might think initially. Though l could never imagine not knowing how many days there are in any given month, I can' t see myself learning how to predict a calendar date a year in advance for a holiday that varies annually. It doesn't seem like practical or useful knowledge. Of course, that was the exact point the young lady was making that day. In her eyes, the specific bit of knowledge I thought critical was not something she saw as useful.

Simply stated, we pay attention to and learn to remember what is important to us; what is not so important, we ignore or learn to discard. As teachers, we need to realize that this fundamental of education is as true for our students as it is for adults. In the era of the standards movement, we ''must realize that reaching high expectations is possible only when students believe the material is worth learning. Through a disenchanted student and the wisdom of a close friend, I learned that ' the greatest challenge lies in making the material relevant for my students.

Happiness

A 102 year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly applied, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Why "Pretty Good" Isn't Good Enough

Here is one of my favorite pieces from the man
who every week says, "See you on the radio".

WHY "PRETTY GOOD" ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH

There once was a pretty good student,
Who sat in a pretty good class,
And was taught by a pretty good teacher,
Who always let pretty good pass.

He wasn't terrific at reading,
He wasn't a whiz-bang at math,
But for him education was leading,
Straight down a pretty good path.

He didn't find school too exciting,

But he wanted to do pretty well,
And he did have some trouble with writing,
And nobody had taught him to spell.

When doing arithmetic problems,
Pretty good was regarded as fine,
Five plus five needn't always add up to be 10,
A pretty good answer was nine.

The pretty good class that he sat in,
Was part of a pretty good school,
And the student was not an exception,
On the contrary, he was the rule.

The pretty good school that he went to,
Was there in a pretty good town,
And nobody there seemed to notice,
He could not tell a verb from a noun.

The pretty good student in fact was,
Part of a pretty good mob,

And the first time he knew what he lacked was,
Whe he looked for a pretty good job.

It was then, when he sought a position,
He discovered that life could be tough,
And he soon had a sneaky suspicion,
Pretty good might not be good enough.

The pretty good town in our story,
Was part of a pretty good state,
Which had pretty good aspirations,
And prayed for a pretty good fate.

There once was a pretty good nation,
Pretty proud of the greatness it had,
Which learned much too late,
If you wanto be great,
Pretty good is, in fact, pretty bad.

"Osgood File"

Writing Workshop - Newspaper Report

Use this frame to structure your newspaper article report.

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Newspaper report frame

Name of newspaper:

Headline:

Writer:

Date of Publication:

Complete these starters:

This article was about...

An interesting fact I learned was ...

In addition to this, I learned that ...

In my opinion, ...

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To share your newspaper report - click on Comments and type in your newspaper report.